Patton Oswalt - Realize Quotes

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[on Barack Obama's election] Do you realize for the next four years America is gonna be a cool eighties cop flick? "Barack, get your ass in my office now! Did you balance the budget again?!" "Yeah, it was just sitting there, chief..." "You wrecked twenty cars! Senate's gonna have my ass for this." "Eh, whatever, chief." And he rides away in a Camaro on two wheels.

Patton Oswalt

I didn't realize how bad my outlook on life is until I went on a press tour for Ratatouille and had to talk to children's magazines and children's TV shows. And I wasn't interviewed by adults — I was interviewed by actual smiling children. And I didn't realize until that point how desperately I depend on negativity and cynicism just to communicate with the outside world. It's pathetic. The Oswalt family crest should just be a pair of eyes rolling off to the side, a bag of Cheetos, and then the word "fuck". That would be our shield that you'd see retreating from the great battles of history. "Fuck this — bows and arrows? Nobody told me anything about bows and arrows, goodbye."

Patton Oswalt