Noel Fielding Quotes

9 Sourced Quotes

I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.

Noel Fielding
I used to suck [Smarties] until they were all white, let them dry, and then put them back in the packet and show my mum the Smarties with no colour on them.

Noel Fielding
[When suggested he could have invented crisps] I couldn't have invented crisps. [...] I don't really want to be known as the man who invented crisps. [...] I invented apples. [...] I invented pandas, and caps. I invented soil.

Noel Fielding
In Edinburgh? I quite like the City Cafe. Because you never get served in there. And I like the idea that you can go in there for three hours and still not get your order. I think that's quite funny. And then when you say 'Can I have some food - I'm wasting away,' they have the audacity to tut at you. When there's only four of you in there. Fuckers. They should all be shot in the face. Sorry. I'm only joking. And I'm really tired.

Noel Fielding
[When asked if he varies the animals in his comedy depending on where he performs]
[No,] I tried it in Montreal and it died on its arse. But I like English things. I think English animals and forests are really cool. I like English gardens. I like the idea of the squirrel. I like moths, because they're so tatty. They're just so English. Crap butterflies. I like crap animals. Mammals that are tiny and you never see them because they're rubbish. If you see a documentary about them you just turn it over. If it's about frogs you think 'aaah noooo', but if it's about hyenas you watch it. [...] British mammals, I'm bringing them back in.

Noel Fielding
You must have stuck a finger up your arse at least once.

Noel Fielding
[When asked if he has a favorite woodland creature]
The common shrew. The Northern Root Vole is quite good, too. [...] I like - what am I into at the moment? I like Flying Foxes. They just fly around and hang on trees. You're not supposed to touch them though because you get disease.

Noel Fielding
I think I should be in a [Disney animated] film called 'Space Shrews'. Where I go to space. With a load of shrews. And nothing really happens. We just get out and have a lolly and then come back. But it'll be a musical [...] the ship will be built out of my own hair.

Noel Fielding
I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago [...] I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land [...] With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.

Noel Fielding