Marshall Rosenberg - Nonviolent Communication (2003)

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People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault.

Marshall Rosenberg
It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.

Marshall Rosenberg
What others do may be the stimulus of our feelings, but never the cause.

Marshall Rosenberg
The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.

Marshall Rosenberg
Judgments of others contribute to self-fulfilling prophecies.

Marshall Rosenberg
Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.

Marshall Rosenberg
Our ability to offer empathy can allow us to stay vulnerable, defuse potential violence, help us hear the word 'no' without taking it as a rejection, revive lifeless conversation, and even hear the feelings and needs expressed through silence.

Marshall Rosenberg
Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.

Marshall Rosenberg
Empathizing with someone's 'no' protects us from taking it personally.

Marshall Rosenberg
We want to take action out of the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.

Marshall Rosenberg
What I want in my life is compassion
a flow between myself and others
based on mutual giving from the heart.

Marshall Rosenberg
The intention behind the protective use of force is to prevent injury, never to punish or to cause individuals to suffer, repent or change.

Marshall Rosenberg
We are never angry because of what others say or do. It is our thinking that makes us angry.

Marshall Rosenberg
By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves. We would stem this flow if we were to shift attention too quickly either to their request or to our own desire to express ourselves.

Marshall Rosenberg
What evidence is there that we've adequately empathized with the other person? First, when an individual realizes that everything going on within has received full empathic understanding, they will experience a sense of relief. We can become aware of this phenomenon by noticing a corresponding release of tension in our own body.

Marshall Rosenberg
Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.

Marshall Rosenberg
Most of us grew up speaking a language that encourages us to label, compare, demand, and pronounce judgments rather than to be aware of what we are feeling and needing.

Marshall Rosenberg
I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention-to shine the light of consciousness-on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking.

Marshall Rosenberg
With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.

Marshall Rosenberg
Let's shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking.

Marshall Rosenberg
In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

Marshall Rosenberg
The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence. When I first read this statement, the thought, 'What nonsense!' shot through my mind before I realized that I had just made an evaluation.

Marshall Rosenberg
It's really a spiritual practice that I am trying to show as a way of life.

Marshall Rosenberg
Thinking based on who deserves what blocks compassionate communication.

Marshall Rosenberg
Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being

Marshall Rosenberg
This objective of getting what we want from other people-or getting them to do what we want them to do-threatens the autonomy of people, their right to choose what they want to do. And whenever people feel that they're not free to choose what they want to do, they are likely to resist, even if they see the purpose in what we are asking and would ordinarily want to do it.

Marshall Rosenberg
If people just asked: "Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs?" the conflict would be easy to resolve.

Marshall Rosenberg
We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.

Marshall Rosenberg
An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves-the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.

Marshall Rosenberg
When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.

Marshall Rosenberg