Lenny Bruce Quotes

24 Sourced Quotes

In the Halls of Justice, the only justice is in the halls

Lenny Bruce
Every day, people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Lenny Bruce
The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

Lenny Bruce
I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.

Lenny Bruce
Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

Lenny Bruce
You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

Lenny Bruce
Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.

Lenny Bruce
Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?

Lenny Bruce
I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.

Lenny Bruce
The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are – it's 'Look at me, Ma!' It's acceptance, you know –'Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma.' And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!

Lenny Bruce
People should be taught what is, not what should be. All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the breadline.

Lenny Bruce
The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

Lenny Bruce
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

Lenny Bruce
A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' 'I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.' We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him.

Lenny Bruce
Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Lenny Bruce
If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Lenny Bruce
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Lenny Bruce
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it. Try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

Lenny Bruce
Children ought to watch pornographic movies: it's healthier than learning about sex from Hollywood.

Lenny Bruce
My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found us in bed together.

Lenny Bruce
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.

Lenny Bruce
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

Lenny Bruce
If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career

Lenny Bruce
Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.

Lenny Bruce