Larry the Cable Guy Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

View all Larry the Cable Guy Quotes
I was madder then a mosquito in a mannequin factory.

Larry the Cable Guy
OJ isn't going to jail — he just changed his name to BJ.

Larry the Cable Guy
I was madder than a Keebler elf getting demoted to fudge-packer.

Larry the Cable Guy
Chenney shots his buddy in the face. Clinton shot his intern in the face.

Larry the Cable Guy
That was scarier than Richard Simmons chasin' after you with a box of rubbers!

Larry the Cable Guy
Them [gas] prices are higher than a bus load of Mexicans at the Los Lobos concert.

Larry the Cable Guy
You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.

Larry the Cable Guy
I was madder than a quadriplegic with a stag full of scratch off tickets, I'll tell you what.

Larry the Cable Guy
I was madder than a pervert with palsy trying to open up a condom wrapper, I'll tell you what.

Larry the Cable Guy
Had a buddy of mine caught a rainbow trout, and threw it back. He said he didn't want a gay fish.

Larry the Cable Guy
Do deaf people have alarm clocks? I asked a deaf guy that one time, the sumbitch just stared at me.

Larry the Cable Guy
Did you know that when a baby poops its diaper, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled up newspaper?

Larry the Cable Guy
If you're in a Gay Mafia and you get whacked, is that good or bad? [gay voice] Say hello to my little friend.

Larry the Cable Guy
[In reference to Playstation Football] Here's an idea! Why don't they make a button that says frickin' "pass"!

Larry the Cable Guy
I went to the Talladega 500 with a girl I had just met. She was very sweet with childlike qualities. No titties!

Larry the Cable Guy
At first I didn't even realize she was pregnant. I kinda gotten used to her throwing up every time we had sex...

Larry the Cable Guy
Boy I tell you what, if I were a girl, I'd never shave! I'd look like I'm smuggling around Chewbacca in my underbritches!

Larry the Cable Guy
That show Biggest Loser is a dumb show. If I wanted to see fat people struggle with their weight, I'd go to my family reunion!

Larry the Cable Guy
I used to be a bitch. I met her at Hooters. She didn't have big boobs, but she could turn her head in a circle just like an owl.

Larry the Cable Guy
Well, here we go. This is the first book I've written since 1975, when I was in the 7th grade and wrote Boogers Are Good Eatin'.

Larry the Cable Guy
Have you noticed lately how video games are getting way more sexually explicit and violent? I really gotta buy me one of them games!

Larry the Cable Guy
I'll tell ya the one thing you don't wanna buy at the dollar store - toilet paper. (laughs) I might as well have just used the dollar.

Larry the Cable Guy
My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.

Larry the Cable Guy
Did you hear about the high school football coach who got in trouble for letting his players have sex with his wife? How does that work? "Robinson! Get in there!"

Larry the Cable Guy
I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"

Larry the Cable Guy