Joseph Heller - Good as Gold (1979)

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Gold was not sure of many things, but he was definite about one: for every successful person he knew, he could name at least two others of greater ability, better, and higher intelligence who, by comparison, had failed.

Joseph Heller
If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?

Joseph Heller
Gold was opposed to segregation and equally opposed to integration. Certainly he did not believe that women or homosexuals should suffer persecution or discrimination. On the other hand, he was privately opposed to all equal rights amendments, for he certainly did not want members of either group associating with him on levels of equality or familiarity.

Joseph Heller
Kissinger brought peace to Vietnam the same way Napoleon brought peace to Europe: by losing.

Joseph Heller
Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.

Joseph Heller
History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.

Joseph Heller
If a man is going to leave one wife to marry another, it's better if he divorces the first before he marries the second.

Joseph Heller
I never even realized I was Jewish until I was practically grown up. Or rather, I used to feel that everybody in the world was Jewish, which amounts to the same thing.

Joseph Heller
In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

Joseph Heller