Jordan Sonnenblick - After Ever After (2010)

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Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I'm a cancer survivor.
Person 1: And how's that working out for you?
Me: Well, you see, I, uh, used to have leukemia.
Person 2: Dude, how come you're not, like, BALD?
Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I had acute lymphocytic lymphoma when I was five.
Person 3: Whoa. THAT must'a sucked. I once had my tonsils out...

Jordan Sonnenblick
He said he "admired our courage" but didn't want to see us do anything to "damage our promising futures." He felt "proud as an American" that we had "exercised our right to peaceful free expression." But if we did it again, he didn't "know what action the state board of education might take against individual students." Translation: You've had your fun. Now sit down, shut up, and take the freakin' test. Or else.

Jordan Sonnenblick
Some kids do drugs. Some kids light stuff on fire. Me, I eat oats.

Jordan Sonnenblick
Oh, good lord, Jeff. Don't go getting all emotional on me. I've been getting it from my mom, my dad, my sister, the freaking MAILMAN—I don't need it from you, too. All I ask is that you promise me one thing.' 'What?' 'Just water the plants while I'm gone, all right?' 'You don't have plants, Tad.' 'I know. I just always wanted to say that.

Jordan Sonnenblick
He also said that if anyone did anything to mess up the rest of the testing, he was going to call 911 personally. Yeah, like that wouldn't make it into the nightly news again: WHEELCHAIR-BOUND CANCER PATIENT ARRESTED FOR FREE SPEECH.

Jordan Sonnenblick
It was a cheesy cheeseball, covered with Cheez Whiz and served on a bed of Cheez-Its. With a side of queso.

Jordan Sonnenblick
The only time I can ever remember Steven crying over any of it was after my treatment, when I tried to use my foot on his bass drum pedal, and we realized I could never play a drum set.

Jordan Sonnenblick
But nobody ever tells you in advance when you should concentrate on the good times-that's why you're supposed to do it every day.

Jordan Sonnenblick