John Bradshaw (author) - Shame Quotes

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The most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star and the scapegoat, the righteous and the wretched, the powerful and the pathetic.

John Bradshaw
To be shame-bound means that whenever you feel any feeling, need or drive, you immediately feel ashamed. The dynamic core of your human life is grounded in your feelings, needs and drives. When these are bound by shame, you are shamed to the core.

John Bradshaw
Guilt says I've done something wrong;... shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake;... shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what did was not good;... shame says I am no good.

John Bradshaw
Healthy shame is an emotion that teaches us about our limits. Like all emotions, shame moves us to get our basic needs met.

John Bradshaw
The drivenness in any addiction is about the ruptured self, the belief that one is flawed as a person. The content of the addiction, whether it is alcoholism or work, is an attempt at an intimate relationship. The workaholic with her work or the alcoholic with his booze are having a love affair. Each alters mood to avoid the feeling of loneliness and hurt in the underbelly of shame.

John Bradshaw
Arrogance is a way for a person to cover up shame. After years of arrogance, the arrogant person is so out of touch, she truly doesn't know who she is. This is one of the greatest tragedies of shame cover-ups: not only does the person hide from others, she also hides from herself.

John Bradshaw