Jen Lancaster Short Quotes

20 Sourced Quotes

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Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.

Jen Lancaster
Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.

Jen Lancaster
Some people are destined to be deep thinkers. I am not one of those people.

Jen Lancaster
Were I forced to describe this woman in one word, that word would be...herpes.

Jen Lancaster
Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting.

Jen Lancaster
I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.

Jen Lancaster
I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve.

Jen Lancaster
I never sleep on the plane. I have to be awake and using my mind power to keep it in the air

Jen Lancaster
Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

Jen Lancaster
Point? Maybe you aren't a Carrie or a Samantha or a Charlotte or a Miranda. Maybe you're just you.

Jen Lancaster
I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there.

Jen Lancaster
No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning...

Jen Lancaster
When did the cell phone become a license to be rude? And why must I be subjected to your personal conversations?

Jen Lancaster
No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken.

Jen Lancaster
I'm the person who says every single thing she thinks, sometimes to others' amusement, and almost always to my detriment.

Jen Lancaster
You know what it was like? It was like thinking I was heading to a surprise party and instead it was a surprise pap smear.

Jen Lancaster
I don't mean to get all religious here, but I'm pretty sure key lime martinis (with a graham cracker & sugar rim) are proof that Jesus loves us.

Jen Lancaster
For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer to believe I was hatched, or perhaps purchased.

Jen Lancaster
Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw so as to not affront the Lord.

Jen Lancaster
This is terrific! What fun! Maybe tomorrow I can go to the prom with my brother. The day after, perhaps I can wear white pants and unexpectedly get my period.

Jen Lancaster