Jeffrey Bernard Quotes

12 Sourced Quotes

My misdeeds are accidental happenings and merely the result of having been in the wrong bar or bed at the wrong time, say most days between midday and midnight.

Jeffrey Bernard
As for asking me have I ever felt remorse after drinking, I have been living with remorse for years now. She wakes me up every morning. She puts me to bed at night and yea though I run through the valley of Oxford St to the Coach & Horses she is by my side.

Jeffrey Bernard
I could stuff a pillow with the amount of confetti I have had thrown at me. And could I sleep easily on that? No.

Jeffrey Bernard
When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate.

Jeffrey Bernard
They smoke cigarettes professionally. The smoke is inhaled very sharply and the teeth are bared.Then the head turns to give you a profile and the smoke is exhaled slowly and deliberately and the grey jet stream becomes a beautiful blue cloud of smoke.What are they trying to tell us?

Jeffrey Bernard
He was a hopeless coward and gambled so heavily it was a sheer miracle as how to he still wasn't thrown out into the street for being disorderly or being arrested for drunk driving.

Jeffrey Bernard
I once had to dispense with a literary agent because she drank too much. She was very surprised but I pointed out to her, quite logically I thought, that one of us had to be sober and it certainly wan't going to be me.

Jeffrey Bernard
Oh, the self-importance of fading stars. Never mind, they will be black holes one day.

Jeffrey Bernard
Since 1960 or thereabouts, when the Beatles and feminism came to power and destroyed the civiiisation I was rather fond of...

Jeffrey Bernard
It's one thing to ask your bank manager for an overdraft to buy 500 begonias for the borders in Haslemere, but quite another to seek financial succour to avail oneself of some of the 5–2 they're offering on Isle de Bourbon for the St Leger.

Jeffrey Bernard
During one of my annual visits to the great Fred Winter's yard I said to him, Good God, Fred, your horses look magnificent. Beautifully fit.' Of course they do, you twit,' he said. 'They don't sit up all night drinking gin and tonic and playing cards.'

Jeffrey Bernard
I'd very much like to wake up one morning with a cow of the Friesian variety and walk her down to Soho to the Coach and Horses, stopping on the way to buy twenty Players, ply her with vodkas until closing time, whip her off to an Indian restaurant, take her up to the Colony Room till 5.30 and then to the Yorkminster, Swiss Tavern, Three Greyhounds, get beaten up by Chinese waiters at midnight, have a row with the taxi driver, set the bed on fire, put it out with tears and then wake up on the floor. Could you then milk said cow? I doubt it.

Jeffrey Bernard