Jack Handey - Deep Thoughts (1992)

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To me clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

Jack Handey

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

Jack Handey

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Jack Handey

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Jack Handey

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

Jack Handey

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

Jack Handey

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Jack Handey