Harriet Lerner - Relationship Quotes

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Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships.

Harriet Lerner
Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.

Harriet Lerner
Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another.

Harriet Lerner
An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.

Harriet Lerner
The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.

Harriet Lerner
Most of us experience fear as a kind of stop sign or flashing red light that warns: 'Danger! Do not enter!' But we may need to decode that signal and consider what it's trying to convey. Fear is a message — sometimes helpful, sometimes not — but often conveying critical information about our beliefs, our needs, and our relationship to the world around us.

Harriet Lerner
Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.

Harriet Lerner
If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.

Harriet Lerner
Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.

Harriet Lerner