George Carlin - People Quotes

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People tell you to have a safe trip, as if you have some control over it.

George Carlin
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.

George Carlin
I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.

George Carlin
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.

George Carlin
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

George Carlin
A scary dream makes your heart beat faster. Why doesn't the part of your brain that controls your heartbeat realize that another part of your brain is making the whole thing up? Don't these people communicate?

George Carlin
People think life is real complicated. Actually, there's nothing to it. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.

George Carlin
More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

George Carlin
The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

George Carlin
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

George Carlin
The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people.

George Carlin
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

George Carlin
I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.

George Carlin
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

George Carlin
The Baby Boomers: whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "Gimme that! It's mine!"

George Carlin
People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a short pause before the next "horrifying" event. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound "heals" it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, "Let the scarring begin.

George Carlin
When people say clean as a whistle, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.

George Carlin
People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.

George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

George Carlin
In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.

George Carlin
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.

George Carlin
History is not happenstance: it is conspiratorial. Carefully planned and executed by people in power.

George Carlin
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'

George Carlin