Ellen Hopkins - Impulse (2007)

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As the old saying goes, "sometimes loving someone means letting them go.

Ellen Hopkins
This time when we kiss, I feel it in the pit of my stomach, I feel it in my heart. And I realize love isn't about sex. It's about connection.

Ellen Hopkins
But then, my entire life is bullshit. The best things in it have vanished, ghosts. Ghosts I'll admit I created.

Ellen Hopkins
TRIAD: Three separate highways intersect at a place no reasonable person would ever want to go. Three lives that would have been cut short, if not for hasty interventions by loved ones. Or Fate. Three people, with nothing at all in common except age, proximity, and a wish to die. Three tapestries, tattered at the edges and come unwoven to reveal a single mutual thread.

Ellen Hopkins
I mean, if you're gonna purposely lose your mind, you want to get it back some day. Don't you? Okay, maybe not.

Ellen Hopkins
Freedom is a double-edged ideal, because true freedom comes without the protection of laws that also enslave us by defining us—female, male; Christian, Islamic; good, evil. All at the whim of a frail minority.

Ellen Hopkins
Grandma once told me it's easy to overthink love, to dissect it and question it until it is no more.

Ellen Hopkins
Too much to take in, too much to purge. Why must every memory, once sweet, dead end in such ugliness?

Ellen Hopkins
I wonder how long it would take him to realize I'm right as sin - it's the rest of the world that's wrong. I'm not even sure how I qualify for admission to Aspen Springs. Does wanting to die equal losing your mind?

Ellen Hopkins
Memory is a tenuous thing, like a rainbow's end or a camera with a failing lens.

Ellen Hopkins
But Hey, Guess What Crazy means I'm not liable for my actions. So screw it, I'll go home, propped up on Prozac against distractions

Ellen Hopkins
Sometimes you're traveling a highway, the only road you've ever known and wham! A semi comes from nowhere and rolls right over you. Sometimes you don't wake up. But if you happen to you know things will never be the same. Sometimes that's not so bad. Sometimes lives intersect, no rhyme, no reason, except, perhaps, for a passing semi.

Ellen Hopkins
Everyone's afraid of everybody else...maybe because we're all afraid of ourselves.

Ellen Hopkins
Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment. I wasn't ready for that moment to end.

Ellen Hopkins
Her smile is like summer moonlight-beautiful and magical, with a fire that could melt the night.

Ellen Hopkins
And the thought of that makes me want to open a vein, experience pain, know I'm alive, despite this living death.

Ellen Hopkins
Act on your impulse, swallow the bottle, cut a little deeper, put the gun to your chest.

Ellen Hopkins
I hate this feeling. Like I'm here, but I'm not. Like someone cares. But they don't. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air.

Ellen Hopkins
I tattered their wings and tore off their legs, joint by joint, watched them crawl in circles, like little lost infants, untill they decide to die.

Ellen Hopkins
One foot in front of the other, counting tiles on the floor so I don't have to focus the blur of painted smiles, fake faces.

Ellen Hopkins
Life is all about change. If it were static, think about how boring it would be. You can't be afraid of it, and you can't worry that you'll mess things up. You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.

Ellen Hopkins
Love means holding on to someone just as hard as you can because if you don't, one blink and they might disappear...forever.

Ellen Hopkins
So you try to think of someone else you're mad at, and the unavoidable answer pops into your little warped brain: everyone.

Ellen Hopkins
You believe this is a game, and you may be right. But if you think you can play it better than me, think again.

Ellen Hopkins
Grown up? Me? I suppose I have. Killing things, and almost killing myself, must have changed me some, after all.

Ellen Hopkins