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Derek Landy -
Skulduggery Pleasant (2007)
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Guild doesn't like me." "That's true." "He doesn't like you, ether." "That is mystifying.
Derek Landy
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You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?
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He does this on purpose," Stephanie's mother said as they sat in the car, seat belts on and ready to go. They watched him appear at the front door, shrug into his jacket, tuck in his shirt, go to step out, and then pause. "He looks like he's about to sneeze," Stephanie remarked.
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The world is bigger than you know, and scarier than you might imagine. The only currency worth anything is being true to yourself, and the only goal worth seeking is finding out who you truly are.
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Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of her father's other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as he nodded sadly and spoke sombrely and pocketed the silverware when he thought no one was looking
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He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked. "That's it?" He looked up. "Sorry?" "Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town." "It's got a car alarm." "Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?" "No. It's a pretty good car alarm.
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The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.
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You've done what?" "I know," he said. "You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me.
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You're not stealing anything, you're not breaking anything, so I'd guess you're Stephanie.
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Her father sagged as relief spread through him. I thought something awful was happening. She frowned. Something awful was happening. It could have got stuck in my hair.
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She's you, without your conscience, or your feelings. She's you without your humanity." "You're saying she's a mood swing?" He shrugged. "Or maybe you're her mood swing." "Don't even joke about that.
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Are you sulking? Me? No. I don't sulk. You sound like you're sulking. I'm just waiting for the violent urges to subside.
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It's fairly standard. Also, I'm fourteen. Also, your beard's stupid. Isn't this fun? Skulduggery said brightly. The three of us getting along so well.
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Scapegrace leaped up. I am the Killer Supreme! I make murder into an art form! Skulduggery hit him again and Scapegrace did a little twirl before falling.
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Have you killed anyone? she asked quickly. What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder into an art form? But you haven't actually killed anyone yet, have you? I read your file. He glowered. Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven't
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An untied shoelace can be dangerous,' he said. 'I could have tripped.' She stared at him. A moment dragged by. 'I'm joking,' he said at last. She relaxed. 'Really?' 'Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful.
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Valkyrie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your friend is most likely dead. Of course he's dead. He's a skeleton.
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If there is one regret that I have had in my life, it is that I never fathered any children. There are times, when I look at what Fergus and Beryl have produced, when I consider myself fortunate, but there are also times when it breaks my heart.
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I need a weapon, Valkyrie muttered. You're an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained in a variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world, Skulduggery pointed out. I'm fairly certain that makes you a weapon. I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword... I want a stick. I'll buy you a stick for Christmas.
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Doesn't sunlight kill them? Doesn't it turn them to dust, or make them burst into flames or something?" "Nope. Vampires tan, just like you and me. Well, just like you. I tend to bleach.
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Mum said earlier what a lovely dress you're wearing. Beryl's eyebrows wriggled like two tiny tapeworms. This? she said. But I've had this for years. It was a beige dress that would have looked better on an eighty year-old. Any eighty-year-old, man or woman. I think you've really grown into it, Valkyrie said. I always thought it was a little shapeless. Valkyrie resisted the urge to say that was what she meant.
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You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I...' 'Don't?' 'Exactly,' he said happily.
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Do you think we'll be waiting long? Valkyrie asked, keeping her voice low. The last time we were in this building, we accused the Grand Mage of being a traitor, Skulduggery said. Yes, I think we'll be waiting long.
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I love you all, even those I don't particularly like. That's you, Beryl.
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The Baron, unfortunately, turns it all the way up to eleven." "Seriously? Because, you know, that's one more evil
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Here she is, her mum said, cooing at the baby, my special girl. Oh, cheers, Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.
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You have an amazing ability to depress me sometimes, you know that?" "I try my best.
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The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery. What is it? she whispered. It's a box, he whispered back. What kind of box? A wooden one. She gave him a look.
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Is he all scarred now? Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.
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I woke up, a bag of bones. Literally. They had gathered up my bones and put them in a bag and thrown the bag into a river.
Derek Landy
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Quote of the day
Wars and elections are both too big and too small to matter in the long run. The daily work—that goes on, it adds up.
Barbara Kingsolver
Derek Landy
Creative Commons
Born:
October 23, 1974
(age 50)
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