Alan Ayckbourn Quotes

17 Sourced Quotes

Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money.

Alan Ayckbourn
If you are flattering a woman, it pays to be a little more subtle. You don't have to bother with men, they believe any compliment automatically.

Alan Ayckbourn
Salad, I can't bear salad. It grows while you're eating it, you know.

Alan Ayckbourn
He really is terribly heavy going. Like running up hill in roller skates.

Alan Ayckbourn
There are very few people on top of life, and the rest of us don't like them very much.

Alan Ayckbourn
There is a school of thought that believes that sleep is for the night. You appear to be out to disprove them.

Alan Ayckbourn
Cats names are more for human benefit. They give one a certain degree more confidence that the animal belongs to you.

Alan Ayckbourn
Oh, I wish I could draw. I've always wanted to draw. I'd give my right arm to be able to draw. It must be very relaxing.

Alan Ayckbourn
Ruth: They'll sack you.
Norman: They daren't. I reorganized the Main Index. When I die, the secret dies with me.

Alan Ayckbourn
They've started this filthy floodlit cricket with cricketers wearing tin hats and advertisements for contraceptives on their boots.

Alan Ayckbourn
A comedy is just a tragedy interrupted, I once said. Do you finish with the kiss or when she opens her eyes to tell him she loves him and sees blonde hairs on his collar?

Alan Ayckbourn
A gentleman... sleeps at his work. That's what work's for. Why do you think they have the SILENCE notices in the library? So as not to disturb me in my little nook behind the biography shelves.

Alan Ayckbourn
The darker the subject, the more light you must try to shed on the matter. And vice versa.

Alan Ayckbourn
The only thing for old age is a brave face, a good tailor and comfortable shoes.

Alan Ayckbourn
Where's the romance gone? Destroyed by cynics and liberationists…Forget the flowers, the chocolates, the soft words—rather, woo her with a self-defence manual in one hand and a family planning leaflet in the other.

Alan Ayckbourn
This place, you tell them you're interested in the arts, you get messages of sympathy.

Alan Ayckbourn
My mother used to say, Delia, if s-e-x ever rears its ugly head, close your eyes before you see the rest of it.

Alan Ayckbourn