Wilson Mizner Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

Wilson Mizner
If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.

Wilson Mizner
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.

Wilson Mizner
I respect faith but doubt is what gets you an education.

Wilson Mizner
Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet 'em on your way down.

Wilson Mizner
Anybody who can write home for money can write for the magazines.

Wilson Mizner
The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

Wilson Mizner
A trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.

Wilson Mizner
If you copy from one author, it's plagiarism. If you copy from two, it's research.

Wilson Mizner
I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.

Wilson Mizner
Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.

Wilson Mizner
Treat a whore like a lady and a lady like a whore.

Wilson Mizner
There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

Wilson Mizner
You can't be a rascal for 40 years and then cop a plea the last minute. God keeps better books than that.

Wilson Mizner
To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Wilson Mizner
Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

Wilson Mizner
In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

Wilson Mizner
Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

Wilson Mizner
The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

Wilson Mizner
It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.

Wilson Mizner
Tell 'em to count to ten over him and he'll get up.

Wilson Mizner
The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.

Wilson Mizner
I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.

Wilson Mizner
Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.

Wilson Mizner
Working for Warner Bros is like fucking a porcupine: it's a hundred pricks against one.

Wilson Mizner