I could have been a serious athlete, only to have my promise cut short when I discovered Woodbines and women. Thankfully I have long since given up the former, and the latter have long since given up on me—except, of course, for the lovely Lady Stratford, who for reasons beyond my comprehension still tolerates my presence.

maiden speech to the House of Lords, 20 July 2005; quoted by United Kingdom Parliament World Wide Web Service.