Seth Grahame-Smith - Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2009)

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Elizabeth lifted her skirt, disregarding modesty, and delivered a swift kick to the creature's head.

Seth Grahame-Smith
My sisters and I cannot spend any substantial time searching for Wickham, as we are each commanded by His Majesty to defend Hertfordshire from all enemies until such time as we are dead, rendered lame, or married.

Seth Grahame-Smith
He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult.

Seth Grahame-Smith
All I ask is that my final months be happy ones, and that I be permitted a husband who will see to my proper Christian beheading and burial.

Seth Grahame-Smith
Miss Bennet, I am quite aware of your superior talent for cutting down the Lord's forsaken flock. I merely mean to spare your gown.' Thank you,' said Elizabeth, composing herself, 'but I should rather my gown be soiled than my honor.

Seth Grahame-Smith
Of all the weapons she had commanded, Elizabeth knew the least of love; and of all the weapons in the world, love was the most dangerous.

Seth Grahame-Smith
No ninjas! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without any ninjas! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your safety.

Seth Grahame-Smith
Thank you, sir, but I am perfectly content being the bride of death.

Seth Grahame-Smith
Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do; for I shall not have my best warrior resigned to the service of a man who is fatter than Buddha and duller than the edge of a learning sword.

Seth Grahame-Smith
Elizabeth sheathed her sword, knelt behind him, and strangled him to death with his own large bowel.

Seth Grahame-Smith
I know of nobody that is coming, I am sure, unless Charlotte Lucas should happen to call in- and I am sure my dinners are good enough for her, since she is an unmarried woman of seven-and-twenty, and as such should expect little more than a crust of bread washed down with a cup of loneliness.

Seth Grahame-Smith
I dare say she means to keep you from his attentions. Your honour demands she be slain.

Seth Grahame-Smith
On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he speaks. And there is something of dignity in the way his trousers cling to those most English parts of him.

Seth Grahame-Smith
This is a most unfortunate affair, and will probably be much talked of. But we must stem the tide of idle chatter, and pour into our wounded bosoms the soothing balm of vengeance.

Seth Grahame-Smith