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Rainbow Rowell -
Cath
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When Cath's eyes closed, her eyelids stuck. She wanted to open them. She wanted to get a better look at Levi's too-dark eyebrows, she wanted to admire his crazy, vampire hairline—she had a feeling this was never going to happen again and that it might even ruin what was left of her life, so she wanted to open her eyes and bear some witness.
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Levi's eyebrows were pornographic. If Cath were making this decision just on eyebrows, she would have been "up to his room" a long time ago.
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That moment," she told Cath, "when you realize that a guy's looking at you differently - that you're taking up more space in his field of vision. That moment when you know he can't see past you anymore.
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People tend to pair off that way, Cath thought, in matched sets.
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What if I promise not to touch you?" "Cath laughed. "Now I have zero incentive to come." "What if I promise to let you touch me first?" "Are you kidding? I'm the untrustworthy person in this relationship. I'm all hands." "I've seen no evidence of that, Cath." "In my head, I'm all hands." "I want to live in your head.
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I don't want to kiss a stranger, Cath would answer. I'm not interested in lips out of context.
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You've read the books? I've seen the movies. Cath rolled her eyes so hard, it hurt. (Actually.) (Maybe because she was still on the edge of tears. On the edge, period.) So you haven't read the books. I'm not really a book person. That might be the most idiotic thing you've ever said to me
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Ah." He set down his backpack and pulled out their notebook. "You're working on your final project?" "Indirectly," Cath said. "What does that mean?" "Have you ever heard sculptors say that they don't actually sculpt an object; they sculpt away everything that isn't the object?" "No." He sat down. "Well, I'm writing everything that isn't my final project, so that when I actually sit down to write it, that's all that will be left in my mind.
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It felt good to be writing in her own room, in her own bed. To get lost in the World of Mages and stay lost. To not hear any voices in her head but Simon's and Baz's. Not even her own. This was why Cath wrote fic. For these hours when their world supplanted the real world.
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Cath wished she didn't use the word "just" so much. It was her passive-aggressive tell, like someone who twitched when they were lying.
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Maybe we should go on lots of double dates, Cath said, and then we can get married on the same day in a double ceremony, in matching dresses, and the four of us will light the unity candle all at the same time. Pfft, Levi said, I'm picking out my own dress.
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Cath wanted to go back and rewrite every scene she'd ever written about Baz or Simon's chests. She'd written them flat and sharp and hard. Levi was all soft motion and breath, curves and warm hollows. Levi's chest was a living thing.
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Cath ate the banana and held on to his gaze. I'd give you the moon right now, she said. Levi's eyes flashed happily, and he hitched up an eyebrow. Yeah, but would you slay it for me?
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Knowing they were in the same city again made the missing him flare up inside her. In her stomach. Why were people always going on and on about the heart? Almost everything Levi happened in Cath's stomach.
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Honey, I've watched a lot of 90210. The parents weren't even on the show once Brandon and Brenda went to college. This is your time - you're supposed to going to frat parties and getting back together with Dylan." "Why does everybody want me to go to frat parties?" "Who wants you to go to frat parties? I was just kidding. Don't hang out with frat guys, Cath, they're terrible. All they do is get drunk and watch 90210.
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How do you feel when I smile at you?" he asked - and then he did smile at her, just a little. Not like myself, Cath thought. "Like an idiot," she said softly. "And I never want it to stop.
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The professor leaned forward. But there's nothing more profound than creating something out of nothing. Her lovely face turned fierce. Think about it Cath. That's what makes a god—or a mother. There's nothing more intoxicating than creating something from nothing. Creating something from yourself.
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He already knows what I look like," Cath said. "There's no point in being tricky about it now." "How is doing your hair—and maybe putting on some lip gloss—being tricky?" "It's like I'm trying to distract him with something shiny.
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Drunk nerds. Not my thing. You like nerds. Not nerds who join fraternities, Cath said. That's a whole subclass of nerds that I'm not interested in.
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Levi's smile broke free and devoured his whole face. It started to devour her face, too. Cath had to look away.
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So why aren't you living with your sister? She wanted to meet new people, Cath said. You make it sound like she broke up with you.
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Cath felt like she was swimming in words. Drowning in them, sometimes.
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I don't have to forgive you, Cath said. It's not like that with you. You're just in with me. Always. No matter what happens.
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Everybody drinks," she said calmly. The Only Rational One. "Your sister doesn't." When rolled her eyes. "Forgive me, but I'm not going to spend my college years sitting soberly in my dorm room, writing about gay magicians." "Objection," Cath said, reaching for a burrito.
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Nobody ever did anything very foolish except from some strong principle.
William Lamb, 2nd Viscount Melbourne
Rainbow Rowell
Born:
February 24, 1973
(age 51)
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