P. J. O'Rourke - Holidays in Hell (1988)

49 Sourced Quotes

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Only one way to cover a story like this, and make that a double, bartender, please.

P. J. O'Rourke
One nice thing about the Third World, you don't have to fasten your seat belt. (Or stop smoking. Or cut down on saturated fats.) It takes a lot off your mind when average life expectancy is forty-five minutes.

P. J. O'Rourke
Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.

P. J. O'Rourke
They don't like anyone who isn't Korean, and they don't like each other all that much, either. They're hardheaded, hard-drinking, tough little bastards, "the Irish of Asia".

P. J. O'Rourke
Western civilization not only provides a bit of life, a pinch of liberty and the occasional pursuance of happiness, it's also the only thing that's ever tried to. Our civilization is the first in history to show even the slightest concern for average, undistinguished, none-too-commendable people like us.

P. J. O'Rourke
I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.

P. J. O'Rourke
Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was nothing to litter with.

P. J. O'Rourke
People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer differences than a Lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. People are all the same, though their circumstances differ terribly.

P. J. O'Rourke
The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.

P. J. O'Rourke
The America's Cup is like driving your Lamborghini to the Grand Prix track to watch the charter buses race.

P. J. O'Rourke
If Christ came back tomorrow, He'd have to change planes in Frankfurt. Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.

P. J. O'Rourke
With Epcot Center, the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.

P. J. O'Rourke
The French are masters of 'the dog ate my homework' school of diplomatic relations.

P. J. O'Rourke
To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.

P. J. O'Rourke
Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry.

P. J. O'Rourke
The most extraordinary change in Moscow was Arbat Street, the USSR's first pedestrian mall. Of course, there's something a little sad about a pedestrian mall in a nation where few people own cars— the whole damn country's a pedestrian mall.

P. J. O'Rourke
Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd be a fool to spend years here and never have a look.

P. J. O'Rourke
There are probably more fact-finding tours of Nicaragua right now than there are facts— the country has shortages of practically everything.

P. J. O'Rourke
Everything on a boat has a different name than it would have if it weren't on a boat. Either this is ancient seafaring tradition or it's how people who mess around with boats try to impress the rest of us who actually finished college.

P. J. O'Rourke