Car crime's low, the gun crime's lower,
The town hall band CD, it's a grower,
You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce,
Although there was a drive-by shouting once,
But there's a brass band everywhere,
And I don't drive so I don't care,
And as a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square,
What's Chatteris if you're not there?
For What Is Chatteris?, Achtung Bono (2005)