I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article "Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I'm So Drunk."

Sleepwalk with Me: And Other Painfully True Stories (ed. Simon and Schuster, 2012) - ISBN: 9781476705767