Melody Beattie - Codependent No More (1986)

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Few situations — no matter how greatly they appear to demand it — can be bettered by us going beserk.

Melody Beattie
Furthermore, worrying about people and problems doesn't help. It doesn't solve problems, it doesn't help other people, and it doesn't help us. It is wasted energy.

Melody Beattie
What's a codependent? The answer's easy. They're some of the most loving, caring people I know.

Melody Beattie
The pain that comes from loving someone who's in trouble can be profound.

Melody Beattie
We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more.

Melody Beattie
I saw people who were hostile; they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again.

Melody Beattie
When we don't ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves.

Melody Beattie
I know when to say no and when to say yes. I take responsibility for my choices. The victim? She went somewhere else. The only one who can truly victimize me is myself, and 99 percent of the time I choose to do that no more. But I need to continue to remember the key principles: boundaries, letting go, forgiveness after feeling my feelings—not before, self-expression, loving others but loving myself, too.

Melody Beattie
There are almost as many definitions of codependency as there are experiences that represent it.... my definition of a codependent: A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.

Melody Beattie
Arranging for and allowing ourselves to have fun is an important part of taking care of ourselves. It helps us stay healthy. It helps us work better. It balances life. We deserve to have fun. Fun is a normal part of being alive. Fun is taking time to celebrate being alive.

Melody Beattie
There are no knights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us. Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing. We are our own rescuers. Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing others and stop expecting them to rescue us.

Melody Beattie
Living our lives may not be an exciting prospect to some of us either. Maybe we've been so wrapped up in other people that we've forgotten how to live and enjoy our lives.

Melody Beattie
Worrying, obsessing, and controlling are illusions. They are tricks we play on ourselves.

Melody Beattie
The surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people's business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs.

Melody Beattie