Maureen Lipman Quotes

12 Sourced Quotes

Are you sitting comfortably? Then get up. This is no time for sloth.

Maureen Lipman
Awards are like piles. Sooner or later, every bum gets one.

Maureen Lipman
As for blondes having more fun, well, let me dispel that rumor forever. They do.

Maureen Lipman
I'm a games player by nature. Don't get me wrong. Nothing that involves movement. Like leaving my chair.

Maureen Lipman
The make-up sat on the surface of my skin like scrambled egg.

Maureen Lipman
Men are... a mystery. After all, they spit, they punch, they scream, they rant, they kick each other when they're down and think nothing of putting their hands down their shorts and fiddling about. Of course, if they did it in the street they'd be arrested – but if they do it on a pitch they're worth £7 million!

Maureen Lipman
She taught us Hygiene. And you know what that meant: s-x, pr-cr-ation and p-r—ds.

Maureen Lipman
The plans of mice, men and Maureen gang aft a cock-up.

Maureen Lipman
The standards women set for themselves these days are incredibly high and we can't live up to them. Whatever we do, we can never make the perfect soufflé – and be up in the bedroom in the black lacy underwear at the right time, or, if we are, the plumber's bound to be in there.

Maureen Lipman
I suppose the nearest equivalent to a bar mitzvah in terms of emotional build-up would probably not even be one's wedding day, but one's coronation.

Maureen Lipman
Chutzpah' is best defined as a small boy peeing through someone's letter box, then ringing the doorbell to ask how far it went.

Maureen Lipman
A tortoise is, I suppose, a Jewish pet. It knows its place. Out on the lawn. It doesn't bark. It doesn't tear the Dralon.

Maureen Lipman