Maureen Johnson Quotes

68 Sourced Quotes

Debbie had to get up and slice me a thick piece of cake before she could answer. And I do mean thick. Harry Potter volume seven thick. I could have knocked out a burglar with this piece of cake. Once I tasted it, though, it seemed just the right size.

Maureen Johnson
She had always thought applying to college would be exciting. Living away from home, meeting so many new people, Learning new things, making a few poor life desicisons....

Maureen Johnson
And if we get caught, I will claim I made you go. At gunpoint. I am American. People will assume I'm armed.

Maureen Johnson
Ah," he said. "I had an... artistic disagreement with the director of the panto. As it happens, I take issue with the objectification of women in Cinderella, and the reliance on shoes as a means of identification. Surely you understand.

Maureen Johnson
It's always awkward when someone doesn't realize you're joking and devotes thought time to what you've said. Double that when the person is wearing tinfoil.

Maureen Johnson
Which is both gross and breathtakingly romantic. He could always have just gone upstairs and brushed his teeth, but he stayed and lurked by the fish for me.

Maureen Johnson
Fear can't hurt you," she said. "When it washes over you, give it no power. It's a snake with no venom. Remember that. That knowledge can save you.

Maureen Johnson
I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn't care.

Maureen Johnson
You don't know me yet," I said. "Rory was telling me she lives in a swamp," Charlotte said. "That's right," I said, turning up my accent a little. "These are the very first shoes I've ever owned. They sure do pinch my feet." Jerome gave a little snort.

Maureen Johnson
Oh my God!" said one of the Ambers. "Is this not the worst trip ever? Did you see the snow?" She was a sharp one, this Amber. What would she notice next? The train? The moon? The hilarious vagaries of human existence? Her own head?

Maureen Johnson
I may have been a complete lunatic, but I was a complete lunatic with manners.

Maureen Johnson
It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.

Maureen Johnson
We Deveauxs preferred to talk you to death, rather than face you in physical combat.

Maureen Johnson
He's been in love with Miss Gina since high school, but he doesn't really know how to talk to girls, so he's just been...staying around her since then. He just tends to go where she goes." "Isn't that stalking?" Jazza said. "Legally, no," I replied. "I asked my parents this when I was little. What he does is creepy and socially awkward, but it's not actually stalking.

Maureen Johnson
I sleep better knowing that a naked cork-eater is not sneaking around at night, stealing my underwear.

Maureen Johnson
I had one class in the morning, the mysteriously named "Further Maths". It was two hours long and so deeply frightening that I think I went into a trance.

Maureen Johnson
Also, when on a campaign to convince a stranger that you aren't a few fries short of a Happy Meal, throwing around phrases like "tangentially Swedish" is not the best way to go.

Maureen Johnson
I could pretend, at least, and if I pretended long enough, maybe I could make it into a reality.

Maureen Johnson
Prefects. I had learned this one. Student council types, but with superpowers. They who must be obeyed.

Maureen Johnson
It took about three minutes for the unassuming Waffle House to become the new offices of the law firm of Amber, Amber, Amber, and Madison. They set up camp in a clump of booths in the corner opposite from us. A few of them gave me an "oh, good, you are still alive" nod, but for the most part, they had no interest in anyone else.

Maureen Johnson
What are you?" I asked. "I'm the Ghost of the Night Before Exams." "And how long did it take you to come up with that?" Jazza asked. "I'm a busy man," he replied.

Maureen Johnson
Something about her suggested that her leisure activities included wrestling large woodland animals and banging bricks together.

Maureen Johnson
The essay I had to read was called, "An Essay on Criticism" by Alexander Pope. The first challenge was that the essay was, in fact, a very long poem in "heroic couplets". If something is called an essay, it should be an essay.

Maureen Johnson
Mouth guard. And I think we'll start you in goal." Goal sounded like a special job. I didn't want a special job, unless that special job involved sitting on the side under a pile of blankets.

Maureen Johnson
Stuart, who had just witnessed me go through an entire rainbow of emotions and experiences. There was parents-have-just-been-jailed me, stuck-in-a-strange-town me, insane-and-can't-shut-up me, kind-of-snarky-to-the-strange-guy-trying-to-be-helpful me, breakup me, and the extremely popular jump-on-top-of-you-unexpectedly me.

Maureen Johnson
Sometimes I even felt like he dated me as part of his plan, like they were going to have a checklist on the application, and one of the things to tick off was going to be, "Do you have a reasonably intelligent girlfriend who shares your aspirations, and who is fully prepared to accept your limited availability?

Maureen Johnson
I decided to deflect her attitude by giving a long, Southern answer. I come from people who know how to draw things out. Annoy a Southerner, and we will drain away the moments of your life with our slow, detailed replies until you are nothing but a husk of your former self and that much closer to death.

Maureen Johnson
Once again, her parents' problems had run through her life like a piece of heavy equipment, smashing everything in their way.

Maureen Johnson
Stuart must have sensed my despair from the way I began lightly banging my forehead on the table.

Maureen Johnson
New start or not, there was a line to be drawn, and that line was singing musicals to yourself as serious psychological motivation.

Maureen Johnson