Matt Groening Quotes

8 Sourced Quotes

Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said "sex is good." All available evidence, however, points to the contrary.

Matt Groening
Homer Simpson: Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all.

Matt Groening
Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.

Matt Groening
Mr Burns: I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Matt Groening
Homer: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Matt Groening
Homer Simpson: Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Matt Groening
To alcohol! The cause of…and solution to…all of life's problems.
Homer Simpson

Matt Groening
Homer: You know Mr. Burns, you're the richest guy I know.
Mr. Burns: Oh yes, but I'd trade it all for a little more.

Matt Groening