I knew it. You're an alien, said her former best friend, the pale, bespectacled creature with the spectacular cleavage. Yes, I'm an alien and I still made cheerleader. And now I'm going to steal your boyfriend to prove girls can't really be friends. I sat back timidly when you torched my house, killed my parents, and ate my dog. But now you're stealing my boyfriend? That's a step too far!

Beauty Queens (ed. 2011)