Lewis Grizzard Quotes

14 Sourced Quotes

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Lewis Grizzard
Just remember this one thing: Life is like a dog-sled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Lewis Grizzard
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Lewis Grizzard
Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

Lewis Grizzard
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put rum or bourbon in it.

Lewis Grizzard
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

Lewis Grizzard
Never send your children off to school with a convertible sports car or a credit card.

Lewis Grizzard
Writing a daily newspaper column is like being married to a nymphomaniac. The first two weeks, it's fun.

Lewis Grizzard
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

Lewis Grizzard
When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies' Room, Will I Be Too Old To Care?

Lewis Grizzard
If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

Lewis Grizzard
It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

Lewis Grizzard
The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

Lewis Grizzard
I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

Lewis Grizzard