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Lauren Oliver -
Requiem (2013)
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Now, after so many years, I understand what the Coldness was and where it came from—this sense that everything is lost, and worthless, and meaningless.
Lauren Oliver
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Time jumps. It leaps. It pours away like water through fingers.
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This is what amazes me: that people are new every day. That they are never the same. You must always invent them, and they must always invent themselves, too.
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I'm sorry for everything. Then he turns and pushes back into the woods, and he's gone.
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My former people were not totally wrong. Love is a kind of possession. It's a poison. And if Alex no longer loves me, I can't bear to think that he might love somebody else.
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That is the rule of the Wilds: You must be bigger and stronger and tougher. You must hurt or be hurt.
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Rainstorms are incredible: falling shards of glass, the air full of diamonds.
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This is the past: It drifts, it gathers. If you are not careful, it will bury you.
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Please understand. Please forgive me. I prayed every day for you to be alive, until hope became painful. Don't hate me. I still love you.
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Quiet through the grave go I; or else beneath the graves I lie
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For a moment, my heart aches for him. I should never have asked him to join me here; I should never have asked him to cross.
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We wanted the freedom to love. We wanted the freedom to choose. Now we have to fight for it.
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For a second I think about how easy it would be to pass back to the other side, to walk straight into the laboratories and offer myself up to the surgeons. You were right; I was wrong. Get it out.
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Who knows? Maybe they're right. Maybe we are driven crazy by our feelings. Maybe love is a disease, and we would be better off without it. But we have chosen a different road. And in the end that is the point of escaping the cure: We are free to choose. We are even free to choose the wrong thing.
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But maybe happiness isn't in the choosing. Maybe it's in the fiction, in the pretending: that wherever we have ended up is where we intended to be all along.
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But the guilt goes even deeper than that. It, too, is dust: Layers and layers of it have accumulated. Because if it weren't for me, Lena and Alex would never have been caught at all. I told on them. I was jealous. God forgive me, for I have sinned.
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I close my eyes. An image flashes—emerging from the van with Julian after our escape from New York City; believing, in that moment, that we had escaped the worst, that life would begin again for us. Instead life has only grown harder.
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Alex is dead, do you hear me? All of that-what we felt, what it meant- that's done now, okay? Buried. Blown away.
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I didn't know it would be like this, he says in a whisper. And then: I'm scared.
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I start to follow her, and Alex grabs my hand. "I'll find you," he says, watching me with the eyes I remember. "I won't let you go again." I don't trust myself to speak. Instead I nod, hoping that he understands me. He squeezes my hand. "Go," he says.
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I don't understand how everything changes, how the layers of your life get buried. Impossible. At some point, at some time, we must all explode.
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I'll find you," he says, watching me with the eyes I remember. "I won't let you go again
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Quote of the day
No written law has ever been more binding than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
Carrie Chapman Catt
Lauren Oliver
Creative Commons
Born:
November 8, 1982
(age 41)
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