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Lauren Oliver -
Before I Fall (2010)
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I get that rush that comes when you know you're doing something wrong and are getting away with it, like stealing from the school cafeteria of getting tipsy at a family holiday without anyone knowing it.
Lauren Oliver
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My boyfriend's an idiot," I say as soon as he lurches away."A cute idiot," Ally corrects me."That's like saying 'a cute mutant.' Doesn't exist.
Lauren Oliver
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The worst is knowing I can't tell anybody what's happening -or what's happened- to me. Not even my mom.
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The whole point of growing up is learning to stay on the laughing side.
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The thing is, you don't get to know. It's not like you wake up with a bad feeling in your stomach. You don't see shadows where there shouldn't be any. You don't remember to tell your parents you love them or—in my case—remember to say good-bye to them at all.
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That's the way I feel, at least: like there's a real me and a reflection of me, and I have no way of telling which is which.
Lauren Oliver
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Popularity's a weird thing. You can't really define it, and it's not cool to talk about, but you know it when you see it. Like a lazy eye, or porn.
Lauren Oliver
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I know some of you are Thinking maybe I deserved it. But before you start pointing Fringers, let me ask you Is what I did really so bad? So bad I deserved to die? So bad I deserved to die like that? Is what I did really much worse Then what anybody else does? Is it really so much worse Than what you do?
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Most of the time one night blends into the next and weeks blend into weeks and months into other months. And sooner or later we all die. But at the beginning of the night anything's possible.
Lauren Oliver
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I remember a story I once heard about drowning: that when you fall into cold water it's not that you drown right away but that the cold disorients you and makes you think that down is up and up is down, so you may be swimming, swimming, swimming for your life in the wrong direction, all the way toward the bottom until you sink. That's how I feel, as though everything has been turned around.
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A good friend keeps your secrets for you. A best friend helps you keep your own secrets.
Lauren Oliver
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It's the time of the night I like best, when most people are asleep and it feels like the world belongs completely to my friends and me, as though nothing exists apart from out little circle: everywhere else is darkness and quiet.
Lauren Oliver
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This is pretty much the answer to every problem you encounter in suburbia: plant a tree, and hope you don't see anyone's privates.
Lauren Oliver
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Things change after you die, though, I guess because dying is the loneliest thing you can do.
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Somewhere in the endless spinning of eternity that one, tiny, fraction of a second where our lips met is lost forever.
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Here's another thing to remember: hope keeps you alive. Even when you're dead, it's the only thing that keeps you alive.
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I've never really thought about it before, but it's a miracle how many kinds of light there are in the world, how many skies: the pale brightness of spring, when it feels like the hole world's blushing; the lush, bright boldness of a July noon; purple storm skies and a green queasiness just before lightning strikes and crazy multicolored sunsets that look like someone's acid trip.
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Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know.
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It's like high school holds two different worlds, revolving around each other an never touching; the haves and the have-nots. I guess it's a good thing. High school is supposed to prepare you for the real world, after all.
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I'm not scared, if that's what you're wondering. The moment of death is full of sound and warmth and light shooting away, arcing up and up and up, and if singing were a feeling it would be this, this light, this lifting, like laughing... The rest you have to find out for yourself.
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Fridays are the hardest in some ways: you're so close to freedom.
Lauren Oliver
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It's Connecticut: being like the people around you is the whole point.
Lauren Oliver
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Mistake, mistake, mistake. A strange word: stinging, somehow.
Lauren Oliver
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That's my favorite thing about him. I like to lie next to him when it's late, dark, and so quiet I can hear my own heartbeat. It's times like that when I'm sure that I'm in love.
Lauren Oliver
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The sun has just risen, weak and watery-looking, like it had just spilled itself over the horizon and is too lazy to clean itself up.
Lauren Oliver
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Quote of the day
No written law has ever been more binding than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
Carrie Chapman Catt
Lauren Oliver
Creative Commons
Born:
November 8, 1982
(age 41)
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