My weirdness aside, if I am to find any friends, particularly a girlfriend, she will almost certainly have to be a human. My previous track record tends to suggest that of all species that exist on the planet, it has so far been exclusively humans to whom I find myself sexually attracted. This is a good thing legally if nothing else.

It's Not Me, It's You!: Impossible perfectionist, 27, seeks very very very tidy woman (ed. HarperCollins UK, 2011) - ISBN: 9780007414956