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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
George Carlin
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I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
George Carlin
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
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America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.
George Carlin
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
George Carlin
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
George Carlin
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
George Carlin
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep; hogs and cows get slaughtered.
George Carlin
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
George Carlin
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
George Carlin
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin
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There are only two places in the world: over here and over there.
George Carlin
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The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
George Carlin
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
George Carlin
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Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.
George Carlin
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Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.
George Carlin
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Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?
George Carlin
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Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work.
George Carlin
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In the United States, anybody can be President. That's the problem.
George Carlin
Quote of the day
Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired.
Robert F. Kennedy
George Carlin
Creative Commons
Born:
May 12, 1937
Died:
June 22, 2008
(aged 71)
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