George Carlin Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.

George Carlin
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.

George Carlin
I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.

George Carlin
America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.

George Carlin
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

George Carlin
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

George Carlin
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

George Carlin
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.

George Carlin
I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.

George Carlin
Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.

George Carlin
Dogs and cats get put to sleep; hogs and cows get slaughtered.

George Carlin
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

George Carlin
If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?

George Carlin
You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.

George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

George Carlin
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

George Carlin
There are only two places in the world: over here and over there.

George Carlin
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

George Carlin
The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.

George Carlin
Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.

George Carlin
Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.

George Carlin
Can placebos cause side effects? If so, are the side effects real?

George Carlin
In the doggie dictionary, under "bow wow" it says, "See "arf arf.""

George Carlin
Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work.

George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

George Carlin
In the United States, anybody can be President. That's the problem.

George Carlin
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

George Carlin
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

George Carlin