George Carlin - Time Quotes

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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.

George Carlin
We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.

George Carlin
An outsider longing to be on the inside is the same as the soloist longing to work in an ensemble. I get great satisfaction in being a part of the proper - for me - community. I'm uncomfortable with various social groupings and clusterings. But when I'm in the right group, doing the right thing, I get as much satisfaction out of that as anyone who does it all the time.

George Carlin
You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montanta, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.

George Carlin
Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

George Carlin
The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.

George Carlin
Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

George Carlin
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.

George Carlin
Think of how strange we'd look if all the cuts, burns, scrapes, bruises, scratches, bumps, gashes, and scabs we ever had suddenly reappeared on our bodies at the same time.

George Carlin
Next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.'

George Carlin
Every time you're exposed to advertising in America you're reminded that this country's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution, and marketing of bullshit. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure American bullshit.

George Carlin
Have you noticed when you wear a hat for a long time it feels like it's not there anymore? And then when you take it off it feels like it's still there?

George Carlin
The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.

George Carlin
In Hawaii they say, "aloha." That's a nice one, It means both "hello" and "good-bye" Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.

George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work.

George Carlin
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase.

George Carlin
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.

George Carlin
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

George Carlin
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

George Carlin
You ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kind of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important.

George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

George Carlin
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

George Carlin
The worst thing about e-mail is that you can't interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It's frustrating and it's time-consuming. God bless phone calls.

George Carlin