George Carlin - Person Quotes

11 Sourced Quotes

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The worst thing about e-mail is that you can't interrupt the other person. You have to read the whole thing and then e-mail them back, pointing out all their mistakes and faulty assumptions. It's frustrating and it's time-consuming. God bless phone calls.

George Carlin
If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found.

George Carlin
I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.

George Carlin
Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"

George Carlin
When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.

George Carlin
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

George Carlin
Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.

George Carlin
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.

George Carlin
A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.

George Carlin
I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

George Carlin
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

George Carlin