George Carlin - Money Quotes

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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.

George Carlin

I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

George Carlin

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

George Carlin

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.

George Carlin

Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

George Carlin

Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.

George Carlin

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

George Carlin