George Carlin - Day Quotes

10 Sourced Quotes

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These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

George Carlin
If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

George Carlin
Political discourse has been reduced to "Where's the beef?", "Read my lips", and "Make my day". Where are the assassins when we really need them?

George Carlin
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

George Carlin
There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

George Carlin
Valentine's Day is devoted to love. Why don't we have a day devoted to hatred? The raw, visceral hatred that is felt every hour of the day by ordinary people, but is repressed for reasons of social order. I think it would be very cathartic, and it would certainly make for an exciting six o'clock news.

George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

George Carlin
I was taken to the hospital for observation. I stayed several days, didn't observe anything, and I left.

George Carlin
I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now.

George Carlin
Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

George Carlin