F. H. Townsend Quotes

15 Sourced Quotes

Mother: Johnny, doesn't your conscience tell you that you are doing wrong?
Son: Yes, Mother, but Father said I wasn't to believe
everything I heard.

F. H. Townsend
Mr. X. (our dear Professor, who always puts things so tellingly): "In conclusion, I can only repeat what I said last Term — 'It's all light and shade, Ladies, whether you're painting a battle-piece, a bunch of grapes, or a child in prayer!'"

F. H. Townsend
Elder Sister: Do give up, Nellie! They're only acting.
Nellie (tearfully): You leave me alone. I'm enjoying it!
Melodrama in the Suburbs

F. H. Townsend
To a man carrying a clock down the street:
Pardon me, Sir, but wouldn't you find it more convenient to carry a watch?

F. H. Townsend
Boy: Father.
Father: Well, what is it?
Boy: It says here, 'A man is known by the company he keeps.' Is that so, Father?
Father: Yes, yes, yes.
Boy: Well, Father, if a good man keeps company with a bad man, is the good man bad because he keeps company with the bad man, and is the bad man good because he keeps company with the good man?

F. H. Townsend
TOO OLD AT FORTY?

Mr. Punch, having heard a rumor that a certain American Professor is alleged to have said that a man
is "too old at forty," begs to inform his patrons that he personally, at the age of sixty-four, is going as
strong as ever — as shown in the monthly record of his prowess. Thus — In January he won the Waltzing
Competition at Prince's.

F. H. Townsend
French Socialist: Does it not make your blood boil, my friend, to see all these rich people?
Bill (down On His Lack): Frenchman, ain't yer?
Socialist: Yes.
Bill: You ain't got 'orses like that in Paris, I bet.
Pride of Country

F. H. Townsend
Woman: Cabman! Cabman! Surely you're going out of your way?
Man: Bless me, Mum, you give me quite a turn! I'd forgotten all about yer, and was driving back to the Stables.

F. H. Townsend
British Workman (to German Comrade): My poor friend, I hear that under your fiscal system yon are reduced to eating black bread!
German Workman: My dear fellow, my heart bleeds for you. I hear that under your fiscal system you have to put up with white!

F. H. Townsend
Mr Binks: One of my ancestors fell at Waterloo.
Lady Clare: Ah? Which platform?

F. H. Townsend
Boy (having Blown For Taxi): Here, I don't want you. I blew once twice.
Cabyy: Oh, I thought you blew twice once.

F. H. Townsend
Grannie (after seeing an aeroplane for the first
time): Ah, well, this flying in the air is very-
wonderful, but I like old England best, after all.
A Child of Earth

F. H. Townsend
Woman: Are yon aware, Sir, that your dog has bitten this child?
Man: Well, the boy's been aggravating him; and, after all, the dog's only human!

F. H. Townsend
Sergeant (drilling Company): Left — Right — Left — Right ——Left — Left —— Left ——
Mother: We must keep in step, Mollie.
Mollie: Yes, we must. I can do the 'Left — Right,' but I can't manage the 'Left — Left.' How do they do it?
Random mother with a child passing by a military troop

F. H. Townsend
To the inhabitants of Warsaw - We wage war only against hostile troops, NOT against peaceful citizens.
Words and Deeds. Cartoon Caption

F. H. Townsend