Deborah Tannen - The argument culture (1998)

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Words can be like weapons of destruction: It takes so much effort, and the cooperation of so many people, to build something — and so little effort of so few to tear it down.

Deborah Tannen

Cooperation isn't the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict.

Deborah Tannen

In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds.

Deborah Tannen

Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument — as in having a fight.

Deborah Tannen

Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.

Deborah Tannen

The argument culture urges us to approach the world-and the people in it-in an adversarial frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the best way to get anything done: Conflict and opposition are as necessary as cooperation and agreement, but the scale is off balance, with conflict and opposition over-weighted.

Deborah Tannen