David Wong Short Quotes

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The phrase 'sodomized by a bratwurst poltergeist' suddenly flew through my mind.

David Wong
Are the most dangerous creatures the ones that use doors or the ones that don't?

David Wong
And, well, that's my story," I said. "I'm sorry that it's so, you know. Retarded.

David Wong
You see, time is an ocean, not a garden hose. Space is a puff of smoke, a wisp of cloud.

David Wong
If I knew me as somebody else, I would hate me just as much. Why have a double standard?

David Wong
Welcome to freakdom, Dave. It'll be time to start a Web site soon, where you'll type out everything in one huge paragraph.

David Wong
Here's exclusive Channel 5 video of a local man having his brain eaten by a winged gremlin. Local gremlin experts warn that—

David Wong
Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.

David Wong
Falling in love with a house or a car or a pair of shoes, it was a dead end. You save your love for the things that can love you back.

David Wong
You see, Frank found out the hard way that the dark things lurking in the night don't haunt old houses or abandoned ships. They haunt minds.

David Wong
No, I don't, like, play an instrument or anything.I'm just...well, you saw me at the beginning there. I was the guy that fell down and died.

David Wong
Which would prove I'm a monster, Arnie? Sacrificing the people I love for the fight? Or walking away from the fight to save the people i love?

David Wong
Life is a flickering candle we all carry around. A gust of wind, a meaningless accident, a microsecond of carelessness, and it's out. Forever.

David Wong
That ability to see the right choice, but not until several hours have passed since making the wrong one? That's what makes a person a dumbass, folks.

David Wong
They came looking for dark and terrible revelations and instead found out something even more dark and terrible: that their lives were trite and boring.

David Wong
And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There's something I don't trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that.

David Wong
Antidepressants. The thought of this girl actually being depressed made me want to grab the whole planet and throw it into the sun. Well, more than usual anyway.

David Wong
She sat one of the fluffy cats in my lap and stuffed the other down my shirt. She turned and left. 'There,' said the large man. 'The kittens will make your sad go away.

David Wong
I once saw Arnold Schwarzenegger kill a man in a movie by grabbing his head and twisting it until the neck broke. Was that difficult? Could a man do it without a lot of practice?

David Wong
All of society is built to prop up that lie, the whole world a big, noisy puppet show meant to distract us from the fact that at the end, you'll die, and you'll probably be alone.

David Wong
John's old Caddie had a huge engine that would qualify as a human rights violation if built today. It roared down the road, chugging gas and farting a blue cloud of dinosaur souls.

David Wong
Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns.

David Wong
There is no word in the English language for the feeling someone gets when they suddenly realize they're standing next to an unholy monster impersonating a human. Monstralization, maybe?

David Wong
War is about remaking the world to suit the whims of some powerful group over the whims of some other powerful group. The dead are just the sparks that fly from the metal as they grind it down.

David Wong
To this day I don't know if he was struggling with the moral implications of gunning down half a dozen civilians, or if he was mentally counting to see if he had that many shells left in the gun.

David Wong