David Sedaris Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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I ain't seen pussy in so long I'd throw stones at it.

David Sedaris
If cooking is an art, I think we're in our Dada phase.

David Sedaris
Like all of my friends, she's a lousy judge of character.

David Sedaris
Art isn't about following the rules. It's about breaking them.

David Sedaris
She is, like most of my friends, a terrible judge of character.

David Sedaris
You can't brace yourself for famine if you've never known hunger.

David Sedaris
There's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.

David Sedaris
It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.

David Sedaris
As bad a dresser as I am, anything beats being judged by my character.

David Sedaris
The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair.

David Sedaris
Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.

David Sedaris
I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed.

David Sedaris
Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.

David Sedaris
Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.

David Sedaris
Often I'd take out my magnifying glass and stare into the chaos that was her face.

David Sedaris
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

David Sedaris
But all of a sudden they're poets, right, like that's all it takes — being in love.

David Sedaris
I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.

David Sedaris
I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity.

David Sedaris
But I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.

David Sedaris
Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

David Sedaris
You can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up a little sometimes, but you can't kill him.

David Sedaris
Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you've come to mow its lawns.

David Sedaris
The Korean man nodded, the way you do when you're a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence.

David Sedaris
Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat.

David Sedaris
People are often frightened of Parisians, but an American in Paris will find no harsher critic than another American.

David Sedaris
Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?

David Sedaris
I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.

David Sedaris
I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.

David Sedaris
It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.

David Sedaris