Bill Bryson Short Quotes

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You have three chromosomes, Bryson. X, Y, and Fuckhead.

Bill Bryson
We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.

Bill Bryson
A cough so robust that I tapped into two new seams of phlegm.

Bill Bryson
Protons give an atom its identity, electrons its personality.

Bill Bryson
Energy is liberated matter, matter is energy waiting to happen.

Bill Bryson
Most of what has lived on Earth has left behind no record at all.

Bill Bryson
There is always a little more toothpaste in the tube. Think about it.

Bill Bryson
Christmas tree stands are the work of the devil and they want you dead.

Bill Bryson
Finally, this being America, there is the constant possibility of murder.

Bill Bryson
He had the sort of face that makes you realise God does have a sense of humour.

Bill Bryson
Above all, what is oddest to the outsider is that Aborigines just aren't there.

Bill Bryson
For forty years or so this was the world headquarters of conspicuous consumption.

Bill Bryson
Blackpool's illuminations are nothing if not splendid, and they are not splendid.

Bill Bryson
It sometimes occurs to me that the British have more heritage than isgood for them.

Bill Bryson
'Tell me, did they specify "asshole" on the job description or did you go on a course?'

Bill Bryson
My first rule of consumerism is never to buy anything you can't make your children carry.

Bill Bryson
Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven.

Bill Bryson
Of all the things I am not very good at, living in the real world is perhaps the most outstanding.

Bill Bryson
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age.

Bill Bryson
Why is it that women... find it so unsettling if you spend more than four minutes a day on the toilet?

Bill Bryson
"Virginia?" he said, as if I had asked him if there was anywhere local we could get a dose of syphilis.

Bill Bryson
The remarkable position in which we find ourselves is that we don't actually know what we actually know.

Bill Bryson
When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

Bill Bryson
Four times I was honked at for having the temerity to proceed through town without the benefit of metal.

Bill Bryson
Romans park their cars the way I would park if I had just spilled a beaker of hydrochloric acid on my lap.

Bill Bryson
In three minutes, 98 percent of all the matter there is or will ever be has been produced. We have a universe

Bill Bryson
Consider the Lichen. Lichens are just about the hardiest visible organisms on Earth, but the least ambitious.

Bill Bryson
My mother only ever said two things. She said,'I don't know, dear.'And she said,'Can I get you a sandwich, honey?

Bill Bryson
Why, it's a perfect little city. If you have never been to Durham, go there at once. Take my car. It's wonderful.

Bill Bryson
I assume he was descended from apes like all the rest of us, but clearly in his case it had been a fairly gentle slope.

Bill Bryson