Augusten Burroughs Short Quotes

25 Sourced Quotes

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After was better. Before was only there so After could happen.

Augusten Burroughs
Nobody's trying to kill you, Deirdre. You're killing yourself.

Augusten Burroughs
Imperfections are attractive when their owners are happy with them.

Augusten Burroughs
I will please shut the hell up the day you please drop the hell dead.

Augusten Burroughs
I was like a packet of powdered Sea Monkeys and they were like water.

Augusten Burroughs
Life would be fabric-softener, tuna-salad-on-white, PTA-meeting normal.

Augusten Burroughs
My brother was born without taste or the desire to be professionally lit.

Augusten Burroughs
My sense of humor is really nothing more than a flashy defense mechanism.

Augusten Burroughs
Applause is a constant thing in AA. It's how we buy drinks for each other.

Augusten Burroughs
I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child.

Augusten Burroughs
I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

Augusten Burroughs
It turned out I had always been a smoker. I just hadn't had any cigarettes.

Augusten Burroughs
Part of me believes that love is more valuable when you have to work for it.

Augusten Burroughs
My window fogs and this makes me feel like there is no world outside of the car.

Augusten Burroughs
All of us are richer and more fascinating and more complex than we can ever know.

Augusten Burroughs
I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren't good for you.

Augusten Burroughs
I felt deeply tricked. Stunned. And furious. I also felt my default emotion: numbness.

Augusten Burroughs
This is what happens when you go against the grain of truth. You get splinters later on.

Augusten Burroughs
Handsome people are always interesting to watch. But a handsome person in crisis is riveting.

Augusten Burroughs
Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.

Augusten Burroughs
Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter. The fact is, I am not like other people.

Augusten Burroughs
The more obsessed one is with getting thin, the more certain it becomes that one will never get there.

Augusten Burroughs
My mistake was in underestimating the emotional force of a song you have already hear a thousand times.

Augusten Burroughs
I hate news and information and anything that threatens to puncture the bubble of oblivion in which I live.

Augusten Burroughs
My mother is from Cairo, Georgia. This makes everything she says sound like it went through a curling iron.

Augusten Burroughs