Andy Rooney Quotes

31 Sourced Quotes

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Andy Rooney
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Andy Rooney
The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.

Andy Rooney
People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.

Andy Rooney
Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading "Confused.

Andy Rooney
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.

Andy Rooney
The English language is more complex than calculus because numbers don't have nuances.

Andy Rooney
Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift.

Andy Rooney
There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting in trouble for it. I've made a list of safe targets and I probably ought to stick to those. Politicians, for instance. You can say anything you want about them, and it doesn't matter how unfair you are. People seem to like it.

Andy Rooney
The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.

Andy Rooney
New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.

Andy Rooney
When I write, I use an Underwood #5 made in 1920. Someone gave me an electric typewriter, but there's no use pretending you can use machinery that thinks faster than you do. An electric typewriter is ready to go before I have anything to say.

Andy Rooney
The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty.

Andy Rooney
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Andy Rooney
I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.

Andy Rooney
Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.

Andy Rooney
In spite of some bad experiences, I'm a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.

Andy Rooney
We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.

Andy Rooney
I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare let the day go by without making an offering, whether you mean it or not. Money exceeds affection.

Andy Rooney
I wish people who sell things would stop trying to guess how many of something we want to buy. I want to buy things one at a time.

Andy Rooney
At the end of every television broadcast, the names of the people who worked on it are listed. Why, you may ask yourself sometimes, would so many people want to take credit for such a bad show? Well, its just like what's happened to the dollar. Credits in television suffer from inflation. There are more of them and they arent worth what they used to be, even on a good show.

Andy Rooney
I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.

Andy Rooney
The one affectation I have forced on the publisher … are my apostrophe-free elisions. Because I write my scripts to read myself, I don't spell 'don't' with an apostrophe. I spell it 'don't'. We all know the word and it seems foolish to put in an extraneous apostrophe. Punctuation marks are devices we use to make the meaning of sentences clear. There is nothing confusing about a word like 'don't' printed without an apostrophe to indicate an omitted letter.

Andy Rooney
Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.

Andy Rooney
President Reagan must be happy over how bad the weather's been this winter, because its the one thing no one's blaming on him. Theres nothing television news likes better than bad weather, and we sure get a lot of it in the United States.

Andy Rooney