Bill Cosby Short Quotes

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Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.

Bill Cosby
The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.

Bill Cosby
You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

Bill Cosby
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

Bill Cosby
Never say "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time.

Bill Cosby
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Bill Cosby
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Bill Cosby
And my brother Russell thought his name was Dammit!
Dammit, will you stop all that noise?!

Bill Cosby
Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

Bill Cosby
"Don't worry about senility" my grandfather used to say. "When it hits you, you won't know it."

Bill Cosby
I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards.

Bill Cosby
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Bill Cosby
Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

Bill Cosby
Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.

Bill Cosby
You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

Bill Cosby
I Hope for my sake if you're ever in an accident you put on clean underwear... well I thought that's what an accident was.

Bill Cosby
My father walked to school 4 o'clock every morning with no shoes on, uphill, both ways, in 5 feet of snow and he was thankful.

Bill Cosby
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids.

Bill Cosby
A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.

Bill Cosby
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Bill Cosby
And to those people with no children but who think they'd like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility.

Bill Cosby
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

Bill Cosby
I do want to die before my wife and the reason is this: if it is true that when you die, your soul goes up to judgment, I don't want my wife up there ahead of me to tell them things.

Bill Cosby
I was a physical education major with a child psychology minor at Temple, which means if you ask me a question about a child's behavior, I will advise you to tell the child to take a lap.

Bill Cosby